December 2012
3 posts
The Night I Lost My Money and Embarassed Susan
I recently got ridiculously drunk off a small amount of alcohol when I went to Kelowna to visit Susan. It was one of my worst drinking endeavours to date. But I’m sure it’ll be funny for other people to read about it.
One of the first things we needed to do when I arrived was go to the liquor store. We grabbed some vodka and a 6 pack of Granville Island King’s Winter Ale because...
Bombers Football Is Serious Business
So this summer I managed to effectively ruin a Winnipeg Blue Bombers game. How? You ask. Well I guess “ruin” is a fairly bold statement but I did manage to decrease the game’s enjoyment for at least one whole section.
See the problem began when I arrived at the airport. I flew from Sudbury to Winnipeg for my cousin Jodi’s wedding. My cousin Adam picked me up at the airport...
March 2011
1 post
My day at work by minute.
My day:
8:36 Walk into office (6 minutes late, yes) 8:40 Hang up coat, sit down, turn on computer 8:45 Check voicemail 8:50 Check email 8:57 Scowl at schedule boss has left on my desk, expecting me to type and format 9:00 Beckoned for staff meeting 9:35 Exit staff meeting, attempt to beeline for kitchen to make coffee 9:40 Intercepted by someone who needs me to print off some tax sheet for them...
February 2011
1 post
Year of the Rabbit, I loathe thee.
This morning I walked into my place of employment feeling particularly unrested. I’ve recently decided that I must have RLS: Restless Leg Syndrome. I don’t genuinely believe that, but my feet have definite temperature control issues. One minute they’ll be freezing; the next minute they’ll be burning hot. They can’t decide what they want. Under the blankets or not....
September 2010
2 posts
Nothing Beats Roof Climbing in the Floating City
My trip to Europe wasn’t anything like I expected. It was way more awesome. It opened up a whole new world and made me realize that I want to be a world explorer. I want to see everything, eat new food, and drink many many types of alcohol.
During my time in Italy, I was introduced to Grappa. It’s not good. It’s actually probably the worst alcohol I’ve ever had, aside from...
Life Takes You Funny Places... And Lets You Bring...
So essentially I haven’t posted in ages. The last time I wrote, I was upset that I was missing a night of fun in Sicamous with my friends back home in B.C. There still is a second part to my Nostalgic Moose story, and I intended to tell it when I posted next. However, so many amusing stories have unfolded in the meantime that I’d be doing the world a disservice to not immediately share...
March 2010
2 posts
The Nostalgic Moose Part 1.0
Recently Susan and Ryan returned from their year abroad. As mentioned in an earlier blog about the infamous Alberta Drinkathons, my world was shattered when they left and I basically had to carry on the legacy of Drinkathon alone in 2009. It was pretty much a summer-long endeavour, almost like I thought booze doesn’t exist in Ontario so I had to drink myself into a spiral so intense that...
February 2010
1 post
CENTURION!!!!!!!!!
We’ve all heard of it. Most of us have probably tried it. Some have been successful, others may have failed. The Centurion. You may know it by another name, but it’s the same awesome challenge that’s been undertaken by daring binge drinkers near and far time and time again. What is it I’m talking about you may be asking? 100 minutes. 100 shots of beer. It’s that simple. While it may not sound like...
September 2009
1 post
Kim's High Point of Summer Hilarity: And the...
I’m back after my summer long hiatus, bitches. And I’ve returned with plenty of new material, and have also been reminded of some old material, which I can use during those times I feel reminiscent. But first, I must vent that there are 18 Tim Hortons locations in Sudbury, Ontario…and one Starbucks, which is a kiosk inside Chapters and not within convenient walking distance of...
May 2009
11 posts
Kim in Vancouver: The Finale
As I said, I rarely went out in Vancouver because of the inevitable hassle it presented. Not to mention that between the program at school and my job at Starbucks, I was pretty busy most of the time (for more on this, see post: The Canucks Lose, But I Win). The last week I was there, I decided that I’d been a hermit long enough and it was time for me to grace the City of Vancouver with my...
Sidewalk Swimming Lessons! Line Up Here!
So this story takes place in two parts. The first part being the time I got my precious fake I.D. snatched from my grasp, and the second part being the time I was mad because I was 18 and prohibited from entering a drinking establishment I had patronized so many times before. My anger resulted in me acting like a complete tool for attention, as per usual.
Let the story begin.
When I was 18, I...
The Canucks Lose...But I Win.
Monday night was one of few nights I’ve actually had fun since living in Vancouver. There’s many reasons for my lack of enthusiasm toward the party scene at the Lower Mainland. For starters, I live in Burnaby which is somewhat far from downtown Vancouver. By far I mean, not really far at all but far enough to be inconvenient and expensive to get to. Getting there consists of either an...
People Actually Do Jump Trains. I Know Because...
Living in Interior B.C. the options for things to do are few and far between. There’s lots of amazing areas to go camping at, the option of bowling, hanging out at people’s houses, hitting up the patio at local eateries in the summer, going to pubs, clubs, bars, casinos, and hockey/football/soccer games and tournaments. But you’ll notice a common denominator on all of these...
A Poem At Starbucks
Twas the night before Friday when all through the lobby
Not a creature was there, not even a doggy
All the pastries sat in the case with care
In hope that a customer soon would be there
Then what to their wondering eyes should appear?
A customer, from the escalator, ordered a beer
I said “We have beer, but the kind with a root”
He sad “No thanks, carbonation makes me...
A Poem For Lisa
Twas the night before Hump Day when all through the city
I noticed that between my butt cheeks felt pretty gritty
I didn’t know what the hell I should do
So I went to work at Starbucks and took a massive poo
Then what to my wondering eyes should appear
Lisa walked into the changeroom and started coming near
“No!” I shouted “Don’t come over here!”
“The aroma of this crap will make your eyes...
Your Pizza Pops Are My Pizza Pops...
So this is a recent drunk story which happened 2 weekends ago now. It was on the Eve of the day I had my tarot cards read at Granville Island, which sent me into a spiral of self discovery.
I randomly felt the need to drink that Friday after I finished my 2-8:30 shift at Starbucks and decided to subsequently drag all my roommates down with me. Namely Tyler, who tried to use having a test on...
April 2009
14 posts
Annoyed Over a Stethoscope. What a Day.
Ok so, for my program at school we’re currently in practicum. For those who may not understand this fancy term, it basically means hands-on work experience. So yesterday was pretty eventful. It began with me driving downtown to go to Supreme Court for a trial about safe injection sites.
Perhaps the route I took to get to the court made me biased. But safe injection sites seem like they were...
The Cleaners Are On Strike...Drama Ensues
So the cleaning staff at the school are on strike. They want more money and I don’t blame them, I’d be awfully bitter if I cleaned up university students shit and only made $11 an hour.
The housing manager at the dorms has made some arrangements so an alternate staff is cleaning our place, so I’m all good on this situation though.
I’ve realized in the last few days that I...
The Infamous Captain Morgan's Beer Bong Experience
Something about 5:53 a.m. makes me feel creative. I actually think I’m reminded of this story because there was just a floating Captain Morgan’s Rum banner ad scrawled across the screen on a webpage I was reading. It’s too early to be thinking about alcohol for some. For others, such as myself, alcohol would make this morning more bearable. It’s all too true that while my...
MER-MAN, Dad...It's Mer-man *sob*
Much like Ben Stiller in one of my favourite films of all time, the last couple of months I’ve found myself looking in the mirror asking the question “Who Am I?” Ha, ok, that’s a little bit melodramatic but I’m having a serious pre-mid-life crisis I think. I decided to ignore the gnawing feeling that something didn’t feel right on Friday night in favour of...
WatchSo I do some constructive stuff as well, such as make videos in my Broadcast Journalism class that portray me as an alcoholic. I had to reach really deep to get inspiration for this role.
1 tag
Kim and Ceire Sun Peaks Halloween 2006
While Halloween in Interior B.C. is always a particularly joyous occasion for my friends and I, there’s one that will forever hold a special place in my mind. Most of the details of this night, I’ve been filled in on by Ceire and other people who were evidently present at the party we crashed who knew me….but I don’t recall seeing them. You know, one of those nights. First...
